Start of an idea I’ve had floating around for a while.
Jay stomped into my room, waving the morning paper, and started yelling at me.
“Zed, why didn’t you proofread the ad before you sent it in?” He threw it down on my desk and pointed to it.
Now, I’d helped him out the other day—he’s a bit on the shy side and doesn’t like to go out, but I thought he needed to meet someone, so we put together a personal ad for him. We’d managed to come up with:
GWM, 25, 150#, loves to cook,…
It went on a bit like that, but it really wasn’t very interesting. You see why he’s single.
Anyway, the ad his finger was on was clearly the same ad I’d submitted, only instead giving his weight as 250#.
“Who’d answer an ad like that? I’d be a blimp!”
I was a little pudgier than Jay – kind of close to that number myself – but I didn’t answer that. (He likes to cook – I like to eat.)
“I’m sure someone wouldn’t mind,” I said. “And if you do get a call, you can get them straightened out right away. We’ll send in a correction after lunch—I’ll go by the paper myself.”
Just then the phone rang. Jay picked it up.
“Hello? … Yeah, I posted the ad … No, I’m not a ‘big boy’” – he started getting agitated again – “I weigh 150! … Yeah, I know you can’t print lies in the paper … No, I don’t want to get bigger, perv … Listen, just …” He slammed the receiver down.
I looked at him a bit surprised, which he misinterpreted. “Why did I do that?” he said. “I shouldn’t be picky… with anyone who’d be interested in me despite my weight…”
From the moment he’d hung up, his body had changed. The loose clothes he’d been wearing were filled out to a much more generous form. He didn’t seem to notice the change at all. “Dude, why am I even hanging out in here? I’ve got breakfast to make. Come down and help, would you?”