Who is Ralph? I only know him from the outside, this crush I have on him.

He smells nice, but that is probably because he’s a pig and I’m a tiger. Only barbarians eat other people, but I spend time around him and I get hungry. So we’re always going out for food.

He drives a forklift for a living. His alone time is chiefly spent working out, but he spends most of the time hanging out with friends. I should qualify that—it’s more that he goes places and people follow him.


It’s just me that follows him.

His house is always open, and I’d gotten in the habit of coming over to hang out.

And when he’d come home, he’d take me out for a walk. Or we’d go to dinner. On weekends, we might go camping, or drive to Mexico, or any kind of…

Either he loved me, or I was just his sidekick.

He never showed an interest in anybody.

I don’t know what he wants to do with his life. I guessed he was doing it already… for all I know he’s still saving up for the flux capacitor he was dreaming of when we were kids.

So. No deep substance or meaning. Why do I love him so? He loves himself; he never lets anything or anybody get in his way once he’s set his mind; and…

Well… I guess he just smells nice.

(Originally posted to FurAffinity.)